flourescent gore.

poetry is a habit of mine that fluctuates in its frequency. typically it comes when i've a few minutes to spare or my mind is wandering. because of this, bedside scraps of paper and math notebooks tend to attract a lot of it. 

i think i'm going to start posting some of it from time to time (starting with this post) to help keep them somewhere that isn't as readily lost or thrown away. also, it may help flesh out the blog with some more regular posts. or perhaps just flood it with garbage. but if i was afraid of posting garbage, i wouldn't both posting anymore. 




1:07

in less than a minute you will change--
color soon will rearrange
from the red shapes on black i saw before
and again you'll adjust in a minute more. 
electric black and florescent gore,
the devil's cattle on on a midnight range.
    yes, you've no hands to tell of time.
    you need them not, small clock of mine. 




bean of light


kidney bean on my wall,
what's your point in being?
have you a goal you're chasing?
have you a fear you're fleeing?
or is fate with you agreeing
and softening you with good intentions?
or do i label you with my own fears and contentions?
you're likely just another false projection i am seeing.
     i confess, the latter smacks more true,
     but i feel less concern for me than you.


p.s.--a quick note: though i love poetry, i've never been able to take it very seriously. feel free to read anything you like into this stuff, but know that what i put into it is of consistently shallow substance.

captain ahab.

over break, i had the pleasure of not shaving for a length of time. when i did shave, i had the pleasure of leaving a set of chops. more particularly, "whaler's chops," "1800's banker chops," "amish chops," or "leprechaun chops" depending on which term you fancy using.

it was a pleasure.

in order to remember the good times before i began school once more and had to shave them off, i decided while in the parking lot of big lots to get a photo or two of me with them. the shot i share with you now is the combination of an afternoon sun, quickshot autofocus, and a car to the side of me squeeling; all at the perfect moment to make this photo look like an abercrombie ad. it doesn't really even show the chops because of the extreme lighting, but oh well. it's for me to remember the good times, and that it does effectively.

clever harry.

"Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack."

--Harry Emerson Fosdick

harry was a clever guy. i don't agree with all that he supported or lead, but some i do. and whether or not i agree with any of it, i can at least acknowledge that he is a very clever harry. a very clever harry indeed.

cynicism isn't a good thing. i'll rarely be so absolute in my statements (the fruit of being a psych major--you qualify everything you say with "usually," "often," or something equivalent), but i feel bold enough at this moment about this particular point that i'll just go hog wild. webster defines a cynic as "a faultfinding captious critic; especially: one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest." "captious" being "marked by an often ill-natured inclination to stress faults and raise objections." honest, practical, pragmatic, realistic--these are the vessels or reasoning that, often, cynicism will use to present itself. the fact is, you can be honest, practical, pragmatic, and realistic without being cynical. it's the difference between "we've poor odds" and "don't bother trying" or "i haven't had the best experiences in dating" and "screw dating."

i'm a cynic at times. depending on subject and timing, i certainly can have a cynical streak as i suppose many of us can. i guess it depends on when and where you talk to me--but if you know me well, you probably don't even need to. either way, like harry pointed out, it's typically an absence of something, and i'll add negative experiences, that lead to cynicism.

this being the case, i think just about every person i know has "discover[ed] what [i] lack" already.



logically, though, i can't seem to make the connection that this means one can see what a person is optimistic about, and see what they have. my best conclusion is that an optimist is a person who may or may not have a lack in a given area, but fails to see the point in being a cynic about it, and sees the value of positive outlook.
in some areas i'm quite the optimist. in others, eh, not so much. but according to the logic i've pieced together--that's very stupid. i should just be an optimist.

--trace

quando quando quando.

"do one thing everyday that scares you."
-eleanor roosevelt

in other words, you should be going out of your way to do frightening things everyday. i think eleanor was on to something. as of recent, i've been trying to implement this little gem. in lots of ways.

we'll assume that 'to scare' can be defined as instilling fear. the merriam-webster dictionary defines fear as "an unpleasant, often strong, emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." danger is defined by the same source as "exposure or liability to injury, pain, harm, or loss." therefore, in order to fulfill this advice, i need to do something that the excites anticipation or awareness of potential injury, pain, harm, or loss. when i map it out like that, it's not so hard.

using the preceding as our jumping point, if i do one of the following things a day, then i'll be following eleanor's words of wisdom.

• correcting people.
  
• cooking something that i'm not experienced at cooking.
  
• doing most anything in front of large crowds.
• doing things i've claimed to be good at.
  
• submitting applications.
• participating in competitions.
• dancing.
• looking down from heights.
• trying particularly foreign foods.
  
• giving presentations.
• showing people personal works (music, writing, etc).
• going into particularly dark places.

now, of course there are many things on this list where saying they scare me is a bit of a stretch whereas others are a bit more unnerving. eating a somewhat frightening foreign food is nothing close to looking down from heights. and heights aren't near what other things may be. however, everything on that list at the very least make me uncomfortable. and at that, many of them are things are things i do pretty often, and even enjoy doing. again, foreign foods are always fun. they still can make me a bit uncomfortable. that's the whole point, though.

it is my belief that eleanor advised this because we're simply a big bunch of sissies in far too many ways. indeed, i am often nothing but a big sissy. and how does one cure one's self of sissiness? by making his or her sissy self face the music. eat a bug, sing to a crowd, and go cliff diving.

and so i shall. sooner or later.

dear blog.

"it's a butterfly. or maybe a fella in glasses... hey everybody, hold on a second... i know, i know, it'll only take a second. come check this out. it's pretty cool."

dear blog.
how are you? hope things are going well.
it's interesting. sometimes i wonder who's reading you, and imagine people in far off lands wondering what an american psychology student does with his time. it's pretty exciting. maybe a bit frightening. maybe you've a reader who's a friendly herb doctor in the southwestern united states reading about my new album. perhaps another is a small pakistani boy from islamabad wondering about what i asked santa for christmas (and let the record show, you really did have a hit from islamabad reading your "dear santa" post). maybe a swedish hacker who's ip address is traced to singapore, but who is really in ireland. or perhaps another psychology student in russia, comparing his own blog to you and thinking his is much better. if he's right, i apologize.

at any rate, i'm glad we can see at least where in the world people are that are reading via the geo-traffic link on the right side of the screen, even if we can't see who it is. then again, if i knew who it was, it may weird me out... maybe that's for the best. either way, it's good fun.

well blog, need to finish a paper for psychology now. but i just wanted to write and say hi. hope all is well. i'll do what i can to get you some new readers, but i think we've already a few all stars in our fanbase. see you next later!

--the little lund that writes you.

aldo.

as you may be aware from interaction with me or from blog posts past, i have some fairly varied interests. one of them is sci fi, and more specific to this post, planet of the apes.

in the original series' fifth and final installment, battle for the planet of the apes, humanity and apes are living in a fairly tense balance. they live in villages with humans as second class citizens. ceasar, the chimp leader of the ape revolution and leader of the establishment, feels that mankind had their chance and chose to war with and kill one another as well as mistreat apes. therefore, it was the ape race's role to care for society and assist humanity in maintaining its existence, as they've proved to be somewhat inept at it. and in order to prove they're of sterner stuff, apes establish a code of laws, the hallmark being 'ape must never kill ape.'

well, while ceasar is a worthy chimp with worthy intentions, others are not. enter aldo, the leader of the gorillas, the warriors of ape civilization. he has a rather tenacious dislike of humans and is eagerly trying to find an excuse to do us all in. well, he plans out a clever little way to do so and assembles a meeting of the gorillas to discuss a way to get martial law in order and attack a nearby human establishment. well, by some chance ceasar's good son cornelius (who aldo also hates as he always bests him in ape school) happens upon this little war council and scurries off to inform his father and the community. but aldo thinks fasts and hacks down the branch on which cornelius is perched, dropping him from the treebranch to the sickbed. then, while ceasar is at cornelius' side, aldo takes order to his own hand, starts the attack on humans both in an out of the village. in turn, cornelius passes and ceasar leaves the small home to find what's gone on in his absence.

the battle begins and in a moment of rest, one citizen makes it known that indeed cornelius' branch didn't break, but was hacked away. aldo has broken the great law. the crowd, realizing the gravity of aldo's action, circle and begin slowly chanting the horrible truth.

ape has killed ape.

i guess why i bring this up is that it's all too often that we become what we've faulted someone else for. myself included, as i always am in these sort of soap box posts. but it's really true. the practice can be found in politics, social circles, fashion, pop culture, and any number of other things. we seek to replace the humans only to follow their faults.

just something to think about, and it's always fun for me to have a chance to talk planet of the apes. and as i rarely get to with people face to face, i'll do so with my blog.

the learning machine.

as you may have read in last month's issue of alternative press, there have been rumors of me finally recording an album after years of playing shows to audiences of anywhere from one to six people. while some of you may have been spreading these rumors, and many more of you hoping they were true, up to this point they have indeed been nothing but rumors. with this in mind, i'm happy to announce that such is no longer that case, and in fact, you'll be able to have a copy of my debut 'the learning machine' for your household come this summer.

that being said, things are very much still in development. the eleven track album currently has seven songs guaranteed their respective slots and the remaining four slots have a few potential tracks to fill them. i won't bother telling you what's included as the song titles will unfamiliar to everyone, but eleven tracks it will have. also, though the seven certain ones are fully written, there has been no recording as of yet. that and then deciding what to do with the tracks once i have the album assembled. while i would love to actually have a proper album produced, i may just wind up burning my own and selling them for two dollars. that being said, if any of you have any insight on producing an indie album, do tell.

anyway, shortly put, look for 'the learning machine' in some format this summer, and you'll find it. i'll keep relevant updates coming on here. until next time,
trace.

little yellow demons.

*disclaimer*
if you've children in the room who are already picky eaters, you may want to shoo them away. if they are adversely affected by the opinions held in this post, the writer hereby dismisses all responsibility.

i hate corn. i hate the smell, the taste, and the texture of corn.

that's basically the summation of this whole post. now, of course, the rest of the post is explaining what that means.

now, i want to be clear. when i say "i hate corn," i'm using a very general term ("corn"), to describe a very specific food (plain corn). i explain this because i don't want people who have been kind enough to feed me before (particularly my mother and people from my mission) thinking that they gave me meals i had to gag down. in complete honesty, i can remember very few meals past the age of thirteen that i had a sincere dislike for. why is this? because if corn is in it's proper place, it's really not all bad. let's take a look at corn's pleasant side, shall we?

good corn.

corn is basically good when it's not left to its own to taste like corn. corn in a casserole? delightful. corn on the cob? what a treat. popcorn? no one could question it's appeal. however, you'll note that in each of these, corn is one of two things. a) fresh, or b) part of a greater whole. one of these two elements must be present. much like myself. if i'm not a) fresh (as in, "funky fresh," not as in sexual harrassment "fresh"), or b) part of a greater whole (with other people), i can become very unpleasant to be around. possibly because of my smell. that could also be the same as corn. however, i guess corn's smell dissipates when with other things. i'm not sure mine does... but i digress.

see? i can enjoy corn in a sense. if it's not overpowering, it's fine.

but all too often, i get a glimpse of corn's darker side...

bad corn

i wonder if corn just needs a chaperon, because it isn't bad when it's supervised. it's only when we leave corn to it's own design things get bad. really, this is only canned, creamed, or frozen corn served as a stand alone. a side. something to be eaten kernel by kernel. yes, rest assured, it is that bad. to me, anyway. i'd like to say that's not the same as me like we compared earlier, but i'll let you all decide for yourselves.

the smell, the taste, the texture. i cannot bring myself to enjoy corn in this capacity. i'm sorry, and i'm sure that most of you disagree with my frightening caricature of the corn kernel. however, i stand by my position. sorry corn, you're like the friend i only want to see if you're with other people i want to see more. or like me, as i generally am the friend people only want to see if with other people they want to see more. dig?


well corn, have a good day. i'm sure there are still plenty of people in the world that are still happy to devour your wicked little self. now if you don't mind, i'm going to hang out with my friends, the peas.

lance bass.

hello world. they say you should leave the best for last. this being the last of the series of nsync posts, i think we all knew which member would be last.

"shoot for the moon. even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
brian littrell
(about lance bass)

by way of friendly update, we're no closer to posting a link for the notebooks blog as i've still not received any submissions. so if you're really dieing to see it up and running, spread the good word.

anyway, this is one of those posts where i just get a chance to share things with everyone that i think are worth sharing. that's another reason i chose lance bass for this one. he's fantastic!

*disclamer*
blogger and/or youtube is being a punk and the video linking is being shotty. for now, please just accept my apologies, be old fashioned, and click the link.

first of all, a string of recent musical discoveries i've enjoyed. feel free to watch at your leisure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q46qCgBDdKM

haley bonar
this is a good little number of her's, but she's got more. just look around on youtube and they're pretty available.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_8p3fjt4Do
peter and the wolf
i quite enjoy this song. i was quite quick to begin recommending this crew to friends, and then started listening to their other stuff, and it wasn't quite as awesome... but anyway, it's worth checking out this song at least. also, live, they aren't exactly stellar. not to make a jab, or anything, but after watching that link, try this one. same song. live. i was a little dissapointed, though i get the impression they may have been drinking prior to this performance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVYcfOEPmLk&feature=related

anyway, i enjoyed it.

the next is a bit of spam mail i received over the weekend. i usually don't bother cleaning out my spam folder. but when i do, i enjoy seeing if there's anything humerous to be found. for whatever reason, i found this one quite funny, and share it now.
i couldn't tell you why, but i found it hilarious. maybe i'm just imagining this scene play out.

(Lights up on a small apartment living room. The table is set for a romantic evening. Tom is seen opening a bottle of wine, the finishing touch in his preparations. The door opens. Enter Kathy.)
Kathy: Oh! What's this?
Tom: Oh, aren't you a few minutes early?
Kathy: Yeah, business got slow towards the end of the shift and Jeff let me off early. What's all this about?
Tom: Happy anniversary. (He pours a glass of wine and hands it to Kathy, then doing the same for himself. He raises his glass.) To us. (Kathy gets visibly uncomfortable. Setting down the glass, she heads for the door. He pursues her.) Kathy! What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to put any pressure on you, just wanted to celebrate a little. It seems like we've been so stressed lately. I thought it was a good excuse for a little relaxing...
Kathy: (Turning around, trying to hide how upset she is.) I know, I know... It's just hard to look at you... right now... just sometimes...
Tom: Kathy? What are you saying?
Kathy: I... I... it's just... (Beat.) I do not care for your clothes. (At this she begins to cry.)
Tom: Kathy... I'm so sorry... (They embrace.) I'll change... Give me a second. I'll be right back.
(Lights begin to fade as Tom exits to a door stage right, undoing his tie. Kathy sits, sips at her wine.)
Kathy:I do love him...
(To black. Fin.)

touching, isn't it? i think i may need to pursue that script...

and lastly, the random article function on wikipedia. give it a spin. it's good fun.

and that concludes this post, and the nsync post series. thank you justin, joey, j.c., chris and lance. you truly do make the world a brighter, since you are all such bright stars.

best wishes,

trace.

when the bee stings.

sometimes we all just need a good pick me up. .we need something that will make us feel better. sometimes we need a few of our favorite things. like raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and julie andrews.

forgive the youtube slide show format, but it's the best i could do. take a listen. you'll feel better even if you already feel great.



and for you more ambitious types--no need to be satisfied with watching.

and taking a lead from julie, i'll now be listing some of my favorite things. and remember, these are a few of my favorite things, not all of them. in no particular order:

*jonathan coulton*

a wonderfully lighthearted musician i recently discovered and have been enjoying ever since. this link will give you a good list of his stuff on youtube. give it a listen.

*grilled cheese*

need i say more? i think not. it's the best of a bowling alley and a sandwich thrown in the frying pan til golden brown and ready to make me jolly. double cool points when using the sandwich cutting device i received from my sister esa. it turns a one grilled cheese into two dinosaurs made of grilled cheese (as seen above).

*mark williams*

suffice it to say that if you don't know him, you wish you did. if you do know him, you know what i mean. and yes, the photo is of the aforementioned paper-mermaid burning.

*surf ninjas*

how can you not have this movie on your list? it's one of virtually everyone's favorite things. kwansu!

*human anatomy*

yes, it's going to devour me this fall, but as a subject it can't be beaten. it's always crazy when you look at your text book and then look at your forearm and see the same thing. just dissected. way too cool. chemistry would probably be the same if we could readily see on the molecular level. it's also cool that my body works. that's included in this one.

*robots*

and anything that has to do with them. androids are not included in this. nor are cyborgs. and on a side note, i realize that this is sloppier than most of my posts. cry about it. i did.

*mario... and luigi.*

most anything involving these two is bound to be good. and really, the film is what sort of spoils things here, so most any game is a safe bet. the funny part is that we all look back and slam on super mario bros the movie, yet at the time, we all loved it. and some of us saw it more than once. more than three times, actually. and really, it should be noted that the film is included in this favorite thing just because of the nostalgia attached to it. and because it has john leguizamo.

*acoustic guitar*

fun to play, fun to hear, and bob dylan utilized it well enough to make the list of a few of my favorite things. something very soft and soothing about an acoustic that you can't get elsewhere. also wonderful to watch splinter in wrestling matches.

*h.g. wells*

i've recently gotten into audio books and wells has been a staple in the lineup. personal favorites include sleeper awakes and island of dr. moreau. definitely worth investigating.

*england*

you friends across the pond know that i can't leave england out. i love the place. i'm happy to be american, but i'm happy to have english friends. you know i love you, you crazy english folk.

*wales*

and wales, i love you too. i put wales after england because i hoped that at least a few of you would be angry and assume i just lumped wales with england. you know i don't play favorites. just favorite things. and countries. oh how i miss doing sixty in a vauxhaul down your winding roads. i also miss some of the nicest, and at times, bewildering, people in the world. but mostly the nicest. and the people that were bewildering were still friendly... just more confusing than anything else.

and now, to end my list of favorite things, i give you one that's very dear to me.

*chairs*

though we really don't make a fuss about it, chairs really are just too good. really, chairs are wonderful. i love them to death, and hope to have many wonderful chairs before my days are done. and name them all.


now don't you feel better? i do. and it's a good thing to, because i was quite peeved. take care everybody, maybe next time i'll write something worth reading.

revelations from the noggin (fairly boring).

thanks is owed to my friend lee-ann for her post on her blog (found here, if you're curious) that featured some tests she took from the noggin website. now, not only do i love taking pointless quizzes, and love noggin from my teenage days, but i'm also eager to find distractions from lots of things. you may have noticed that from the slur of posts over the last little bit in comparison to my usual consistency in posting. you could say i'm blog vomiting, or blomiting, these days. or maybe blogiting... i can't decide.


anyway, some results for you. and some commentary.

this one may or may not be accurate according to which element of my life you want to take in for examination. on the whole, i'll say that's fairly accurate.



this one isn't very accurate at all. i watch gossip girl when i'm the mood for just about anything, because i'm always in the mood for gossip girl.







key word: jolly. when you're jolly, you can get away with any flavor. you can also melt in pockets--don't read into that.





i didn't realize this test was just for girls until half way through, and it was only about six eight questions long, so i finished it anyway. besides, the semester is starting soon so i need all the tips i can get. sadly, this one didn't prove all that helpful as i already planned on wearing plenty of plaid.

and to end on a strong note, one more bit of evidence that i should have been born with a horn growing out of my forehead, just like i've been saying all along. we all knew that i had to end this slur of quizzes with one that was accurate.


well, that was a waste of time for both you and me. hopefully you didn't bother reading unless you were as bored or desperate for distraction as i was when i wrote it/was doing my research for it.

and by way of announcement, mark williams is very cool. we once lit a small, paper mermaid on fire. i'll have to tell that story another day. it was fun. i have pictures too.


so long, everybody.