Saturday, January 23, 2010

little yellow demons.

if you've children in the room who are already picky eaters, you may want to shoo them away. if they are adversely affected by the opinions held in this post, the writer hereby dismisses all responsibility.

i hate corn. i hate the smell, the taste, and the texture of corn.

that's basically the summation of this whole post. now, of course, the rest of the post is explaining what that means.

now, i want to be clear. when i say "i hate corn," i'm using a very general term ("corn"), to describe a very specific food (plain corn). i explain this because i don't want people who have been kind enough to feed me before (particularly my mother and people from my mission) thinking that they gave me meals i had to gag down. in complete honesty, i can remember very few meals past the age of thirteen that i had a sincere dislike for. why is this? because if corn is in it's proper place, it's really not all bad. let's take a look at corn's pleasant side, shall we?
good corn.
corn is basically good when it's not left to its own to taste like corn. corn in a casserole? delightful. corn on the cob? what a treat. popcorn? no one could question it's appeal. however, you'll note that in each of these, corn is one of two things. a) fresh, or b) part of a greater whole. one of these two elements must be present. much like myself. if i'm not a) fresh (as in, "funky fresh," not as in sexual harrassment "fresh"), or b) part of a greater whole (with other people), i can become very unpleasant to be around. possibly because of my smell. that could also be the same as corn. however, i guess corn's smell dissipates when with other things. i'm not sure mine does... but i digress.

see? i can enjoy corn in a sense. if it's not overpowering, it's fine.

but all too often, i get a glimpse of corn's darker side...

bad corn
i wonder if corn just needs a chaperon, because it isn't bad when it's supervised. it's only when we leave corn to it's own design things get bad. really, this is only canned, creamed, or frozen corn served as a stand alone. a side. something to be eaten kernel by kernel. yes, rest assured, it is that bad. to me, anyway. i'd like to say that's not the same as me like we compared earlier, but i'll let you all decide for yourselves.

the smell, the taste, the texture. i cannot bring myself to enjoy corn in this capacity. i'm sorry, and i'm sure that most of you disagree with my frightening caricature of the corn kernel. however, i stand by my position. sorry corn, you're like the friend i only want to see if you're with other people i want to see more. or like me, as i generally am the friend people only want to see if with other people they want to see more. dig?

well corn, have a good day. i'm sure there are still plenty of people in the world that are still happy to devour your wicked little self. now if you don't mind, i'm going to hang out with my friends, the peas.

1 comment:

  1. corn on the cob is somehow ok? i will never understand this. peas are way healthier anyway though.